lebih kurang 2 bulan lepas, aku baru daftr masok UM utk RPKJ (rancangan persediaan khas jepon) . so, my life as a high school student ends. honestly, every single day aku teringat kat skola n kawan2 lama. it feels so weird in this so-called new environment.
bila aku fikir semula, aku macam sedikit menyesal la masok sini awal2. aku x berapa tanamkn niat aku utk betul2 belajar. aku rasa aku macam banyk lalai dengan benda2 yg lara n x berfaedah. just imagine, although aku dh about 1 month kat sana, i was still questioning my presence there. aku still tanya diri aku, "kenapa aku kat sini?, betol ke aku nk pegi jepon?" i was pretty unsure about everything. org lain mybe dh masok gear 5 utk study n focus kat dlm kelas n lecture. klu time kuiz tu, mesti ramai je yg manten(full marks). tp aku in the other hand, still in a state of kelaraan. klu aku dpt separoh betol pon aku dh happy. ~haish.
bila kita study bahasa, u need a strong memory to memorize vocabs and not to forget, a deep love towards the language. it happens to be that i don't have both. honestly, i forget things easily and i'm really bad at memorizing stuff (dh la kena hafal kanji. 1 hari 12 ketol. pengsan2). kat sini ramai yg minat anime n manga, so, a lot of them are doing well in their japanese language studies. probably because they are driven by their passion. some even have basics because they entered private classes or studied at school.
seriously, old habits are hard to throw. kat sekolah, rasanya sume org tau i'm the kind of person yg selalu tido dlm kelas n x siap homework. i have no idea how i got my SPM results. there must have been something wrong with the slip or something. honestly, i don't think i deserve my spm result. i was never the top student in class. i rarely ask my teachers like some of my friends and i even got an E for my add maths when i was in form 4. x sangka sngt Allah nk bg sume ni. i feel bad for some of my friends that put greater effort in their studies than me. tp, bila fikir semula, my results was actually an ujian from Allah. ujian ni dtg dlm pelbagai katachi(bentuk). rahmat itu adlh ujian, musibah itu juga adlh ujian. tp, aku ni mmg hamba Allah yg sngt lemah. Aku lalai.
minggu lepas baru je exam mid sem. serious, rasa macam boleh fail je. aku rasa malu kot klu fail sbb mesti akn ada org kata or atleast terdetik dlm hati diorng, "eleh, budak ni x de la power sngt pon, alah, kata dari stf?". haha. mungkin aku judgemental, tp, that's what people do right?
buat masa ni, aku rasa aku kena study lebih sikit, tmbhkn effort, siapkan tutorial dgn penuh pemahaman, cuba cari smgt yg baru n betulkn hubungan aku dgn Allah. we can never be perfect. therefore, trying is actually good enough. not to forget, aku kene buang semua attitude buruk aku kat high school dulu.
p/s: memandngkn followers aku ni ada lbh krg 12 or je. mybe, x rmi yg baca post ni. tp, klu ada juniors aku tgh baca, aku hope sngt korang study rerajin kat stf n hargai masa kat sana. trust me, life kat sana adlh sngt best. u can never find a place like tht in this world again.
