leaving high school

ok. sehari 2 ni cam rajin plak nk post.

lebih kurang 2 bulan lepas, aku baru daftr masok UM utk RPKJ (rancangan persediaan khas jepon) . so, my life as a high school student ends. honestly, every single day aku teringat kat skola n kawan2 lama. it feels so weird in this so-called new environment.

bila aku fikir semula, aku macam sedikit menyesal la masok sini awal2. aku x berapa tanamkn niat aku utk betul2 belajar. aku rasa aku macam banyk lalai dengan benda2 yg lara n x berfaedah. just imagine, although aku dh about 1 month kat sana, i was still questioning my presence there. aku still tanya diri aku, "kenapa aku kat sini?, betol ke aku nk pegi jepon?" i was pretty unsure about everything. org lain mybe dh masok gear 5 utk study n focus kat dlm kelas n lecture. klu time kuiz tu, mesti ramai je yg manten(full marks). tp aku in the other hand, still in a state of kelaraan. klu aku dpt separoh betol pon aku dh happy. ~haish.

bila kita study bahasa, u need a strong memory to memorize vocabs and not to forget, a deep love towards the language. it happens to be that i don't have both. honestly, i forget things easily and i'm really bad at memorizing stuff (dh la kena hafal kanji. 1 hari 12 ketol. pengsan2). kat sini ramai yg minat anime n manga, so, a lot of them are doing well in their japanese language studies. probably because they are driven by their passion. some even have basics because they entered private classes or studied at school.

seriously, old habits are hard to throw. kat sekolah, rasanya sume org tau i'm the kind of person yg selalu tido dlm kelas n x siap homework. i have no idea how i got my SPM results. there must have been something wrong with the slip or something. honestly, i don't think i deserve my spm result. i was never the top student in class. i rarely ask my teachers like some of my friends and i even got an E for my add maths when i was in form 4. x sangka sngt Allah nk bg sume ni. i feel bad for some of my friends that put greater effort in their studies than me. tp, bila fikir semula, my results was actually an ujian from Allah. ujian ni dtg dlm pelbagai katachi(bentuk). rahmat itu adlh ujian, musibah itu juga adlh ujian. tp, aku ni mmg hamba Allah yg sngt lemah. Aku lalai.

minggu lepas baru je exam mid sem. serious, rasa macam boleh fail je. aku rasa malu kot klu fail sbb mesti akn ada org kata or atleast terdetik dlm hati diorng, "eleh, budak ni x de la power sngt pon, alah, kata dari stf?". haha. mungkin aku judgemental, tp, that's what people do right?

buat masa ni, aku rasa aku kena study lebih sikit, tmbhkn effort, siapkan tutorial dgn penuh pemahaman, cuba cari smgt yg baru n betulkn hubungan aku dgn Allah. we can never be perfect. therefore, trying is actually good enough. not to forget, aku kene buang semua attitude buruk aku kat high school dulu.

p/s: memandngkn followers aku ni ada lbh krg 12 or je. mybe, x rmi yg baca post ni. tp, klu ada juniors aku tgh baca, aku hope sngt korang study rerajin kat stf n hargai masa kat sana. trust me, life kat sana adlh sngt best. u can never find a place like tht in this world again.

akward alert.

5 years of my live in an all girl's school was loads of fun. (penggunaan bhsa rojak akn dignkn selepas ini) seriously, x leh nak describe bertapa meaningfulnya hidup kat jb fr 5 years. the bond dgn kwn2, formates, cikgu2. the only male yg ada hanya la cikgu, abang dining hall n pakcik guard (tu pon x dpt nk make up 95% of the population kt skolah). hidup dikelilingi prmpuan n it was such an advantage in a way. bayangkan, klu skolah coed, jawatan pengerusi or ketua pape pon mesti lelaki biasanya. klu sports plak, girls x rmi yg aktif sbb lelaki biasanya conquer court, x pon girls rmi yg segan.

the disadvantage nya, jatoh kpd org2 yg cam aku. bila dh kuar skolah, masok u, rasa mcm sngt akward dgn boys. lg2 bila program kita ada boys double dr prmpuan. ~haish~. mybe ramai je dak2 all girls yg kluar dr skola diorg n mcm ok je. mesti korg rasa cam poyo kn knp aku nk blog pasal benda ni, but mesti ada gak yg kene sindrom2 culture shock cam aku.

klu kat skola dulu, i don't give a sh*t pasal dressing (bukan dressing utk melawa, tp utk sopan). pakai baju n tudong pon kdg2 x iron, pakai short sleaves tu mmg dh biasa, klu pkai tudung pon lbh krg, everytime PE or pape je la event sports, mmg akan confirm tuck in baju (klu x tuck in, aku rasa mcm selekeh) however, klu buat kat sini, some will stare at u.

berbalik kepada dunia yg nyata, bila dh masok u, mmg sngt akward dgn bdk2 lelaki. bukan nya smpi x leh nk cakap or berbual, tp, it takes nerve to do so. i wonder how some people do it casualy.

nak di jadikan cerita, bila dlm klas, kene plak duduk sblh lelaki. i was like, "great". luckyly yg duduk sblah aku tu cam agak bagos. dia cam try buat small talk ngan aku. tp sorry, aku mmg hambar sket bila borak2 dgn org yg x brapa kenal (serious, rasa bersalah). dh la meja kiteorg tu kecik cam meja budak2 highschool jepon. maka, tiap2 hari la berlaku skin contact secara x sengaja. (dosa2) don't get me wrong, otoko (lelaki) kelas aku sume baik2 je. aku je yg akward.

i have this uneasy feeling bila with them. it's something like, "eh, kain aku jarang?, tudung aku ok x?, rambut aku terkeluar x?". bnyk benda yg nk kena jaga. sume ni mmg x pernah terfikir pon masa kat skola dulu. kain terselak ke, duduk terkangkang ke, org x ckp pape pon dulu.

klu kat skola dulu, prmpuan yg jd leader. so, the instinct to lead tu mmg agk tggi la. jd bila kat sini, a lot of things related to leadership akan dilakukan oleh lelaki. which is how things are normally handled. tp, rasa cm x biasa jgk.

5 years with the same ideology, same environment, same culture. how can someone like me change overnight?

after about 2 to 3 months, i guess i became accustomed to it. although this uneasy feeling is still there, i guess, i'm adapting pretty well?.

last but not least, aku just nk share aku nye experience. no harm intended. ada mungkin akn terasa or cam x faham kenapa aku as if nk buat a big deal about this (which i'm not). i just wanna say that, people live differently and takes things differently. that's why we have blogs, to share. (^^)

worry bubble

just passed my mid year exam.
my results aren't that good.
1 A+, a few A and A- and 1 B.
last minute preparation made it worst.
9A+ does not seems to be impossible.
but, it's never easy.

the journey of a TfNet member

TfNet,,

it means a lot to me.
it teaches about friendship, corporate worlds, juggling works, networking, organisation and bla3.

now, no more TfNet for good.
it's good to finally have time to relax and a settle down.
but it would be a sin to say that i didn't miss the old days.

mieraz,
as a ceo, you actually did pretty well.
thnks fr alwys being there fr me in the cloudiest days of my life.

mina,
marketing manager yang kepoh,
fr me, you we're always positive in overcoming problems in tfnet.

mel,
i always join the club with you,
headache non stop with each other's department.

zha2,
undeniably mmg pantas cekap dan efisien.

nawal,
kalangkabut as ever.

aimi,
a successful edar + tfnet

my ajks
alin, hanna, husna,
sorry for being so annoying,
asking you all doing this and that,
i know i'm not a good manager,
but thanks for staying and enduring it together,
it means a hell to me.

f2(09)
shipa, tikaro, syikin, shida, hanan, irdina, naji,
you guys coloured my life in tfnet.

this journey was a tiring journey,
filled with pain, glory and sacrifices,
although we managed to finish it,
the trophy was not ours.
it was one of the saddest event in my life.
fate was not with us,
but GOD knows best,
HE has better plans for us.

so, lets just do our best in SPM and PMR.
we're gonna make it.
gambate kudasai.

finally,
a zillion thanks to Pak Awie, Cekgu Rozi and Puan Jaya for your commitment and effort. we won't even stand without you.

TfNet,

Waves of Revolution,,

HOMEWORK n SPM

homework is like killing me.

i'm doing my biology slide. what a pain. Transport is a long chapter.

i've done english literature, The Pearl by John Steinbeck. It was rather boring for me. i personally think that his style of writing is quite confusing. but it is still a good novel. well i have to put that in mind cause eventually that will come out in my SPM exam next year.

i have'nt read yet Putera Gunung Tahan by Pak Sako but why is it that someone named Ratu Bongsu is a MAN? i't was really confusing when he likes Mem William cause i thought he was a she. hahahaha. i guess that's the beauty of literature. nothing comes in the way when you want to express something.

next year is time to focus on SPM i think. great! i'm in 5 Setia next year. this can't be any worst right? welcome hell? daa.....thinking about it makes my stomach somersault. I AM NOT MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY PREPARED FOR SUCH EXTREME PRESSURE!

it seems to be that i'll be in Pak Yem's set next year(he told me i can't runaway from his class). what should i do? seriously, i am quite lazy and i am a procrastinator (did i just say that?). i don't like people to put on high hopes on me. i'm just 16 for god sake. give me a break!

it had been years since i've update this blog.

'malas' is possibly a good word.

hahahha